Monday, May 25, 2009

I fought the yard

...and the yard won.

There has been much evidence in the past to support the theory that I'm insane, but I always coolly brushed off such accusations with the defense that I merely vacationed at the Cliffs of Insanity. I hadn't actually purchased a condo there.

Well, today I'm here to tell you that I have no further defense. I'm offically a full-time resident at the Cliffs now -- in fact, I'm in the running for mayor. If I can just get my friend Molly the Pirate to agree to be my campaign manager, the election's in the bag. Who can say "no" to a pirate?

Back to my insanity. (Sorry, it tends to make me ramble).

As I've mentioned in recent weeks, we've been working on our yard this spring. To give a little bit of background, the people we bought the house from had purchased the property from a retired one-legged elderly lady who, according to neighbor testimony (including photographs), spent all of her time working in the yard. There is still evidence of all the energy she put into the landscaping -- beautiful curved concrete borders, loads of flowerbeds, huge delicious-smelling lilac bushes, etc. But the owners between this lady and ourselves were team long-haul truckers. Suffice it to say: they let things go a bit.

We've been slowly reclaiming the landscaping, but I wasn't able to do much last year. Maybe other moms can weed and garden with an infant in tow, but I could never figure it out. This year, Aurelia is happy to rub her hands around in the dirt (or eat the dirt, or rub her face in the dirt) while I garden right next to her. And I really, really want to make the yard pretty again. And put in a little vegetable garden.

So I spent $100 of poster competition prize money at Wal-mart (what? that isn't your nursery center of choice?) for seeds and corms and other plant terms I don't know that are supposed to turn into flowers and veggies if you put them in the ground and water them. Surely I can handle that?

Well, the good news is that I miraculously got most of the flower seeds into the ground last week. Now we have to finish the fence and paint it before the flowers get serious about growing, since most of them are vines I intend to have growing up the fence. Don't ask me how that's going to happen, because I don't have a clue. It just needs to.

Thus far, I've surprised myself by actually remembering to water the seeds and finding the time and energy to do so in the evening. This despite the fact that our hose isn't long enough and has several leaks precisely at the end by the nozzle, so I get annoyed and soaked every time I use it. But today...well, I feel like burning the gardening gloves and letting the weeds have their way with the "gardens".

WARNING: Hot steam venting ahead:

I cleaned out HALF of ONE flowerbed last week so I could plant seeds in it before I left to visit family for a long weekend. Tonight, after driving for six hours, starting laundry, a load of dishes, vacuuming, keeping up with a toddler who required my physical presence to do anything without crying... I headed outside to clean out the other half of the ONE flower bed. Then I saw some new weeds sprouting in the section I had already cleaned out, and figured I should keep up with the work I'd accomplished before working on the other half.

I couldn't even finish re-cleaning the first half of the bed. I was done. Nothing left in the tank except tears.

All I really want to know is: What kind of psychotic mushroom did I eat that made me think I could add on yardwork, when I can't even keep up with the bare necessities of housework???

On the bright side, I hear there are some nice vacation homes available in the Fire Swamp. Come by to visit anytime! Just ignore the weeds on your way to the door.


  1. It's not possible to keep up with weeds! I can pull 10-15 morning glory sprouts out of my zinnia row twice a day - if the stupid things would grow near the fence where they are SUPPOSED to sprout...

    Oh and I probably joined at the Cliffs. Should have seen my trying to pull a huge post out of the ground with my bare hands. Or bear hands. I felt like a bear, tugging and pushing. I never did get it, but I got a sore arm muscle for trying! Maybe tomorrow...

    I'll get started on your mayoral campaign posters right away!

  2. Oh yeah, and when I saw the post title I KNEW what you were going to say. I even have that song stuck in my head now. I guess it's better than VeggieTales Christmas or the Chili's Babyback ribs jingle (haha I typed junk instead of jingle at fingers knew what I REALLY meant)

  3. We have put in two yards in 4 years, how crazy does that make us?! I don't think that is something I will ever do again! Weeds seem to thrive here. It's really annoying working so hard to try and get what you want to grow when the only thing really thriving are weeds! This year I said no more seeds(for flowers). We spent some money on starts. But much of the yard is still lumpy grass thanks to our dog's sporadic fertilizing!

    By the way, thanks Molly for getting that frikkin' Chilli's song stuck in my head! My poor kids are going to think that Mom has FINALLY gone around the bend!

  4. Are you still looking for Christian mom bloggers to link up with? I have a site at:

    Love the Thurman quote...and weeds are just like that :) They just *spring* up all over, unwanted, it seems overnight!